I spend some time on bipolar support groups, chatting with other family members or folks that have bipolar. I asked a question to the group about why my significant other is resistant to including me in his treatment plans or therapy sessions. An articulate middle-aged man who struggles with bipolar gave me a piece of the answer through this great word: Anosognosia.

I have called myself the bi-polar whisperer but even I had never heard of this term before. Let me enlighten you to it’s definition:

Anosognosia is a lack of ability to perceive the realities of one’s own condition.

The term can be used for any condition both physical and mental. When I continued reading about it, I found out that 40% of people with bipolar disorder have anosognosia! Wow. It all made more sense to me now. He just doesn’t realize the gravity of his condition and how it impacts the people around him. I think it’s more than that too. It’s a control thing. I’m assuming it must feel like I can’t control my emotions and now I can’t even control my doctor visits? As an outsider, it’s all hypotheses and speculation and I would suppose different for each person with bipolar disorder.

I wish I’d known about this term years ago when I began participating in my son’s psychiatrist visits. The way he would describe the circumstances and consequences of his behavior and how I would describe the same ones, would always be vastly different. I thought is was his shame. It was his perception. Wow again.

Bottom-line is….I live with the bipolar behaviors daily. I ride the waves of their depression and fear. I ride the too enthusiastic enthusiasm roller-coaster too. I’ve earned a seat at the table. As a friend of mine always said, “you gotta own your shit to improve and move forward.” If you can’t even see all the shit clearly, how are you going to improve and move forward?

Be grateful that there are people who care and want to be involved. Sheesh, you think I enjoy doctor’s visits? Fuck no, but I do enjoy helping you feel better.

Anosognosia is my word of the week. Now if only I could pronouce it.