We went to a couple that does does couples counseling together. We chose them because they were also spiritualists and the husband is a psychologist. They were married 53 years, with a son my significant other’s age. There were other synchronicities as well so we thought we found therapy heaven. Alas, as most therapy sessions go with us-the therapists just love to focus on him. The psychologist specialized in men’s issues and a man with bipolar disorder was like hitting the issue jackpot. We had an interesting four-way conversation initially, with me discussing what I wanted to accomplish as a result of the session(s), then it slowly changed into the man show. My man felt really bad as he was asked about his childhood, his father, his condition, etc. and I was asked about nothing. He went to this couples counseling session for me, for us, and it was steered by yet another therapist to fix him. He felt that they thought he was the root of any issues and as a result he needed all the help. We did tell them we were there to strengthen our communication with each other. Ok, I admit it, I was really there to strengthen his communication with me. Maybe they were onto something, I don’t know, but I wanted to be asked about my bad childhood too.

We did learn something from the session though, the term Unconditional Acceptance. Well, two things, we didn’t need a second session with them.

What is Unconditional Acceptance? Accepting things as they are without a condition attached. In other words, I accept that my man has bipolar disorder and all that has and can come with it. Why? Because I love him. That doesn’t mean there are not some conditions involved, like he must take his meds and he must control his anger. I also have a lot of expectations for him as well, which include that he must participate in the house chores and no feeding his impulsivity since it could lead to mania.

But I try to be realistic with my expectations of him. He may never work full-time again and that’s ok. It’s just too difficult for him to maintain. I do expect him to work part-time in a job that suits him. I also don’t expect complete stability all the time from a partner with bipolar disorder, that would be impossible to make happen but I do expect as much stability as possible. I do help my partner by trying to teach him healthier coping and functioning mechanisms that maybe he just can’t see clearly for himself. I don’t do anything to enable him but I help him out of love for him and wanting him to be the best person he can be. I’m not his mother or caretaker, he’s my partner. I have empathy and understanding but I’m tough too with him when he needs it. I also expect the same towards me as needed. I guess giving to my partner doesn’t bother or effect me as much. I get my needs met in my relationship and I don’t permit myself to be taken advantage of by him or by anyone else for that matter.

I unconditionally accept him and he unconditionally accepts me. It works for us.