Happy Birthday

I lost someone very close to me a few months back. Yesterday was his birthday. He didn’t turn another earthly age but in a way he did. Memories of him have been around for all the years he was known to this universe. He was and remains loved into this current birth anniversary. I celebrated yesterday by going to visit his state, the state he called home but not really where his heart and soul lived or lives today.

I pay homage to him in my heart. I don’t need a place, a photograph or a reason to do it.

I am sad that he couldn’t be here to celebrate with us. I am sad that I carry his legacy, albeit flawed, alone. I hope and kind of know he’s with me still, watching and loving me. I throw him a kiss into the air back.

This man caused an uproar in my life. He made me question who I am yet showed me the purest love I’d had ever known in my life. No one understood our connection and scorned us. I always felt they were jealous of our love or of our ongoing relationship that would not end.

Friends judged, my narcissistic mother tried to “steal” his love, my kids shook theirs heads and laughed and an old friend thought I “stole” his friendship from her. None of these folks knew the truth and no one really cared to delve deeper.

On his birthday weekend, I realize I am still mourning his earthly presence and will mourn it as long as I grace this planet.

Grief and sadness ride on their own timetable.

RIP RC ~~always in my heart.