The Fire Blues
Back in December, 2019 we lost virtually everything, except our lives, in a major house-fire. It was horrible and the re-build process remains ongoing almost a year and half later. The most destructive thing it did to my family was play havoc with their mental health. My son ended up in a very bad depression with heightened anxiety post-fire. He began not taking his medication consistently and was very reckless in his behavior as well. People with bipolar disorder require routines and consistency. He lost his home, his possessions, his routine, his same surroundings and his comfort zone so it took a major toll on his mental health. For the last six months, he has been doing much better, after months of rage, fear and discomfort. His medications had to be changed and increased and he has learned to lean on friends and family more for support. It has been a trying almost two years for everyone in my family and the lessons we have learned have been a hard pill to swallow, for those suffering with a mental illness or not. Living through a house-fire can definitely leave a person with PTSD and anxiety but it also caused my family to be become extremely close. We lived through an experience together that most people will never understand.
Let me share some of our lessons learned:
1. Insurance companies are out to make money, not help people. Banks the same.
2. You will spend an enormous amount of time dealing with re-build and insurance issues, for years to follow. No, it’s not exciting, it’s annoying.
3. Acquaintances, friends and family are concerned/interested/saddened initially, but that fades quickly.
4. Houses take forever to re-build from scratch, including permits and plans.
5. A lot of contractors are BAD people and/or craftsmen but there are good ones out there. Do your research.
6. You don’t need attachment to things to be a whole person, memories are in your heart.
7. A few, new kind people will enter your life that will help and care. This will help restore your faith in humanity.
8. You still need to replace things even years later.
9. Nobody understands the trauma and loss associated with losing your home and everything in it unless you’ve lived through it.
10. The people you expect most to be supportive, caring and helpful will not be, so you will re-evaluate your circle.
Those are big lessons to learn for a mature, high-functioning non-bipolar person. Imagine my poor 17/18 year-old son.
Adversity does build character and strength though, if you like it or not.