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Hypersexuality
As I began this journey of knowledge about Bipolar Disorder 1, I learned that the symptoms leaked into every area of a person’s well-being. So what is hypersexuality? An obsession with sexual thoughts, urges and behaviors. Hypersexuality rides along with mania. It is a form of sexual rumination mixed with risky behaviors. It is dangerous and scary, especially if the person has a partner.
My partner had a life way before me and struggled with hypersexuality as part of his manic episodes. This resulted in his stories about his interactions with strippers and XXX stars. I would listen with sadness and disgust to the stories since they did not correspond to the man I grew to love so dearly. A gentle and respectful man. But this hypersexuality caused a lot of fall-out in his life, most notably with an addiction to porn.
When I met him I did not know much about mania or hypersexuality, but I definitely didn’t know he struggled with a porn addiction. That came out over time and honestly with me catching him in the behaviors.
As all addictions are- this one is awful. Being deceptive in his usage, exacerbating his depression, causing shame and creating intimacy issues and problems. Why did he start this pattern 25 years ago? Boredom and escapism. Escaping from his own mind. Looking for some solace, some good feel-good chemicals. Unfortunately, this came with a steep price.
He has attempted to break this dirty little addiction before and interventions were put into place. A sex therapist was enlisted. With the moods not regulated the old habit took hold again and started to spiral over time. He was relapsing.
Now what? We’re finding him a new addiction program and therapist. He agreed to put a blocker on his phone that only I have the password to. We’re trying to find new things for him to channel his escapism into, productive methods.
It’s a devastating development in the journey. Partners feel lied to and betrayed by their partners as well as rejected in the bedroom. Trust needs to be re-built and intimacy restored.
I’m sad but I’m hopeful. For the first time, he says he wants this addictive behavior to stop and he’s willing to do anything to make that happen….for him and for us.
Some days I really hate this disease.
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DTRH Radio Show
On the radio, take a listen and enjoy the show. Inspirational and insightful.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dtrh-podcast/id1488262542?i=1000532196540
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It’s reading time…
My passion is writing and speaking about mental health but I also spend a lot of time reading and researching about mental health. Here’s some books I have my eye on to check out. Let me know if you’ve read them and if they enlightened you. As they used to say in my elementary school, readers are leaders!
I did see Silver Linings Playbook with my significant other.
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That Damn Phone!
Escape, entertainment, distraction, soothing, sleep aid…that damn phone!
My teenagers are always on their phones but my folks with bipolar are ALWAYS and a day on their phones. The phone interrupts true conversation and intimacy. The phone is used as an escape from their lives. The phone distracts their busy minds with useless noise.
The phone is their pacifer.
The phone can bring some terrible stuff into the bipolar fold. Violent videos, gaming, porn, the opportunities to cheat, avoidance of responsibilities, online gambling. Excess and destruction all around. Add in mania and you have a recipe for disaster.
How do we get them off their phones? They need to be called out and engaged. They need to know that the phone does not solve any problems or cure them, it is merely a distraction from the truth of their lives. There is no panacea to feel better. It takes treatment, medication, therapy, good supports and time to form better coping patterns and mechanisms.
When I look at those phones, I see pain. I see anguish, I see isolation.
I truly hate the damn phones!
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Pressured Hearing
There is a symptom with bipolar that is called Pressured Speech. It happens when a person has an extreme need to share their thoughts, comments, and opinions, often loudly and with peculiar sugues. It usually happens during BP1 mania or hypomania.
The worst part about pressured speech is having to listen to it! The ideas and visions run the gamut from, that would be an interesting thing to pursue to there is no way in this universe that you could pull that off. The many phone calls made are usually loud (unless there is a shame or sneakiness factor involved in which case they are noticeably lower) and to promote an agenda.
Now don’t get me wrong, I fell in love with my man’s ideas and visions. He shares a lot of my eccentric, cockamamie ideas. It’s when the plans are unrealistic or disjointed that I begin to worry about him.
There’s enthusiasm for an idea and then there’s the all the systems go, talk to everyone in your contacts (even past enemies) to run your ideas passed them. That’s when I’m a supporter of curbing the enthusiasm.
Luckily, he has begun to run ideas passed me to see if they pass the smell test. Ultimately, he knows what’s a good idea and what’s not but I feel he is testing himself now. Lots of past years of unmedicated mania would leave anyone questioning their own judgement.
I can’t imagine what it must feel like not being able to control your mind and trust your own ideas.
Boy, do I wish there was a cure.
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Anosognosia
I spend some time on bipolar support groups, chatting with other family members or folks that have bipolar. I asked a question to the group about why my significant other is resistant to including me in his treatment plans or therapy sessions. An articulate middle-aged man who struggles with bipolar gave me a piece of the answer through this great word: Anosognosia.
I have called myself the bi-polar whisperer but even I had never heard of this term before. Let me enlighten you to it’s definition:
Anosognosia is a lack of ability to perceive the realities of one’s own condition.
The term can be used for any condition both physical and mental. When I continued reading about it, I found out that 40% of people with bipolar disorder have anosognosia! Wow. It all made more sense to me now. He just doesn’t realize the gravity of his condition and how it impacts the people around him. I think it’s more than that too. It’s a control thing. I’m assuming it must feel like I can’t control my emotions and now I can’t even control my doctor visits? As an outsider, it’s all hypotheses and speculation and I would suppose different for each person with bipolar disorder.
I wish I’d known about this term years ago when I began participating in my son’s psychiatrist visits. The way he would describe the circumstances and consequences of his behavior and how I would describe the same ones, would always be vastly different. I thought is was his shame. It was his perception. Wow again.
Bottom-line is….I live with the bipolar behaviors daily. I ride the waves of their depression and fear. I ride the too enthusiastic enthusiasm roller-coaster too. I’ve earned a seat at the table. As a friend of mine always said, “you gotta own your shit to improve and move forward.” If you can’t even see all the shit clearly, how are you going to improve and move forward?
Be grateful that there are people who care and want to be involved. Sheesh, you think I enjoy doctor’s visits? Fuck no, but I do enjoy helping you feel better.
Anosognosia is my word of the week. Now if only I could pronouce it.