Hypersexuality

As I began this journey of knowledge about Bipolar Disorder 1, I learned that the symptoms leaked into every area of a person’s well-being. So what is hypersexuality? An obsession with sexual thoughts, urges and behaviors. Hypersexuality rides along with mania. It is a form of sexual rumination mixed with risky behaviors. It is dangerous and scary, especially if the person has a partner.

My partner had a life way before me and struggled with hypersexuality as part of his manic episodes. This resulted in his stories about his interactions with strippers and XXX stars. I would listen with sadness and disgust to the stories since they did not correspond to the man I grew to love so dearly. A gentle and respectful man. But this hypersexuality caused a lot of fall-out in his life, most notably with an addiction to porn.

When I met him I did not know much about mania or hypersexuality, but I definitely didn’t know he struggled with a porn addiction. That came out over time and honestly with me catching him in the behaviors.

As all addictions are- this one is awful. Being deceptive in his usage, exacerbating his depression, causing shame and creating intimacy issues and problems. Why did he start this pattern 25 years ago? Boredom and escapism. Escaping from his own mind. Looking for some solace, some good feel-good chemicals. Unfortunately, this came with a steep price.

He has attempted to break this dirty little addiction before and interventions were put into place. A sex therapist was enlisted. With the moods not regulated the old habit took hold again and started to spiral over time. He was relapsing.

Now what? We’re finding him a new addiction program and therapist. He agreed to put a blocker on his phone that only I have the password to. We’re trying to find new things for him to channel his escapism into, productive methods.

It’s a devastating development in the journey. Partners feel lied to and betrayed by their partners as well as rejected in the bedroom. Trust needs to be re-built and intimacy restored.

I’m sad but I’m hopeful. For the first time, he says he wants this addictive behavior to stop and he’s willing to do anything to make that happen….for him and for us.

Some days I really hate this disease.