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Hypersexuality
As I began this journey of knowledge about Bipolar Disorder 1, I learned that the symptoms leaked into every area of a person’s well-being. So what is hypersexuality? An obsession with sexual thoughts, urges and behaviors. Hypersexuality rides along with mania. It is a form of sexual rumination mixed with risky behaviors. It is dangerous and scary, especially if the person has a partner.
My partner had a life way before me and struggled with hypersexuality as part of his manic episodes. This resulted in his stories about his interactions with strippers and XXX stars. I would listen with sadness and disgust to the stories since they did not correspond to the man I grew to love so dearly. A gentle and respectful man. But this hypersexuality caused a lot of fall-out in his life, most notably with an addiction to porn.
When I met him I did not know much about mania or hypersexuality, but I definitely didn’t know he struggled with a porn addiction. That came out over time and honestly with me catching him in the behaviors.
As all addictions are- this one is awful. Being deceptive in his usage, exacerbating his depression, causing shame and creating intimacy issues and problems. Why did he start this pattern 25 years ago? Boredom and escapism. Escaping from his own mind. Looking for some solace, some good feel-good chemicals. Unfortunately, this came with a steep price.
He has attempted to break this dirty little addiction before and interventions were put into place. A sex therapist was enlisted. With the moods not regulated the old habit took hold again and started to spiral over time. He was relapsing.
Now what? We’re finding him a new addiction program and therapist. He agreed to put a blocker on his phone that only I have the password to. We’re trying to find new things for him to channel his escapism into, productive methods.
It’s a devastating development in the journey. Partners feel lied to and betrayed by their partners as well as rejected in the bedroom. Trust needs to be re-built and intimacy restored.
I’m sad but I’m hopeful. For the first time, he says he wants this addictive behavior to stop and he’s willing to do anything to make that happen….for him and for us.
Some days I really hate this disease.
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DTRH Radio Show
On the radio, take a listen and enjoy the show. Inspirational and insightful.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dtrh-podcast/id1488262542?i=1000532196540
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Sharing the Light
Had an interesting conversation today with a supposed friend.
My daughter asked her daughter (both are High School Sophomores) to come with us to a faire this weekend. My son was willing to give her his ticket.
Well, this “friend” proceeded to insult the concept of the faire and my spirituality as well. The faire is a spiritual fun event, similar to a spiritual Woodstock. Live music, entertainment, vendors, spiritualists, food and drink (no alcohol). She said the faire will stir up the “devil in people.” She has never been to this faire before. Her daughter is very ill with an eating disorder and is interested in attending with my family. We were trying to bring her with us somewhere positive and full of light.The whole conversation brought to light how people judge what they don’t understand and instead of trying to understand it they would rather shame it. Similar to how people with a mental illness are treated.
Her daughter is very ill with an eating disorder. She needs to go into residential treatment for it. I hope she doesn’t carry shame and prevent her daughter the treatment and understanding she deserves. She is not open to talking about it in great detail. We need to not be afraid to talk about mental illness. We need to not be afraid of the implications or stigma. If we don’t talk about it –NOTHING WILL CHANGE.
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Revive Ministries
I was on the Revive Ministries podcast, with the topic “Finding Freedom through Adversity.”
Being adaptable and mutable has been my lifesaver throughout the years. Plus I always believe in a better tomorrow.
Enjoy the podcast.
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Love-Listen-Talk-Repeat Podcast
I had a lovely conversation with Dr. Wendy Capewell. Check it out below, it will be posted on July 28, 2021.
Wendy is in the UK and I am in the US, but we both understand the issues surrounding mental illness, treatment and the need for supports. Mental Illness is a global pandemic that nobody seems to want to cure.
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Getting the Word Out
I’ve always been a helper. From a young girl, I was the one who wanted others to be happy and feel safe. As I got older, these characteristics became both a burden and a blessing. I choose to look at them as a blessing now but I have also added some boundaries along the way.
I really enjoy helping and teaching others who want to learn and better themselves.
That’s why I love my advocacy work. I get to talk to people about mental health and illness. I get to share my stories, hear their stories and discuss best practices. I get to practice mindfulness and selflessness.
Today, my piece about ADHD was published. Please read and support this great new magazine. I will be a regular contributor.
https://www.flipsnack.com/IAMHER/i-am-her-4.html
Stay tuned for links to my upcoming podcasts and articles.
With peace and love,
LEJ
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Laying in Bed
I never take naps. I hate wasting time in bed. There’s so much to do, so much to see. Unless you’re in a bipolar depression that is. Bed is their sanctuary. My son can sleep for 24 hours when stressed and depressed. They hide from family, friends, work, school and life in general in that bed. The comforter becomes a wall to keep everyone at bay. So how do you get them out of the bed? That’s the million dollar question.
You can ask, you can beg, you can threaten doctors and hospitals, you can offer food–nothing will work to a great degree unless they want to and are ready to join the world again.
Seeing the pain in your eyes, will only move them so far. The pain in their souls is way more powerful.
Perhaps laying in bed with your partner makes them feel more connected, less isolated. It’s hard to say from a bystander’s viewpoint.
In my opinion, the bed should be for sleeping and you know what only. They make the bed into a sanctuary or as I think about it…. maybe it’s more of an emotional prison. They are safe there but there’s not much to do and nobody really wants to visit or stay with them there.
So, is staying in bed really helping restore them or is it just making matters even worse for our loved ones? It’s hard to say if they don’t even have the energy to lift their head off the pillow. I’ve gotten my loved ones out of the bed in that state. How? By offering up the things that THEY love to do. My significant other likes playing poker. If I ask if he wants to go play poker, even if he’s in that “place”, he’ll stir to get up and go.
As a joke, I’ve threatened to lock the bedroom door from the outside and only I have the key. He laughs but in a way I’m partially serious. The bed makes him feel safe but the world isn’t safe for anyone and we all have to face our demons. Maybe his demon is….why can’t I get out of bed this week? Well, what do we do then? Call the psychiatrist? Go play poker? You need a PLAN. A rescue plan. And that requires owning your depression, trusting your loved ones and contacting your treatment providers.
I want my loved ones in the world with me but we have to plan together to get them there.
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Let’s Mind Mental Illness Together
Welcome to my blog!
I am a Mental Illness Advocate but most importantly I’m a loved one to people diagnosed with a mental illness. I have watched and walked with my loved ones as they have navigated the cruel world of mental illness.
I have lived through the school of hard knocks with mental illness. My now estranged sister, my teenage son and my significant other all have struggled with mental illness. I have had mental illness orbiting me my whole life. I have witnessed what mental illness does to a family and to the people trying to manage it. I have seen my loved ones in psychiatric hospitals, threatening suicide, aggressive and violent, depressed for months, unable to work, unable to go to school, resisting treatment, unmedicated, undermedicated and overmedicated.
The only thing that has kept me going at times was love and hope. The love for that person and the hope for a better tomorrow.
I have cried. I have worried. I have prayed. Mostly alone.
But I believe I have been chosen. Chosen to tell their story and importantly the stories of those who support the mentally ill.
Join me on my journey.