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Hypersexuality
As I began this journey of knowledge about Bipolar Disorder 1, I learned that the symptoms leaked into every area of a person’s well-being. So what is hypersexuality? An obsession with sexual thoughts, urges and behaviors. Hypersexuality rides along with mania. It is a form of sexual rumination mixed with risky behaviors. It is dangerous and scary, especially if the person has a partner.
My partner had a life way before me and struggled with hypersexuality as part of his manic episodes. This resulted in his stories about his interactions with strippers and XXX stars. I would listen with sadness and disgust to the stories since they did not correspond to the man I grew to love so dearly. A gentle and respectful man. But this hypersexuality caused a lot of fall-out in his life, most notably with an addiction to porn.
When I met him I did not know much about mania or hypersexuality, but I definitely didn’t know he struggled with a porn addiction. That came out over time and honestly with me catching him in the behaviors.
As all addictions are- this one is awful. Being deceptive in his usage, exacerbating his depression, causing shame and creating intimacy issues and problems. Why did he start this pattern 25 years ago? Boredom and escapism. Escaping from his own mind. Looking for some solace, some good feel-good chemicals. Unfortunately, this came with a steep price.
He has attempted to break this dirty little addiction before and interventions were put into place. A sex therapist was enlisted. With the moods not regulated the old habit took hold again and started to spiral over time. He was relapsing.
Now what? We’re finding him a new addiction program and therapist. He agreed to put a blocker on his phone that only I have the password to. We’re trying to find new things for him to channel his escapism into, productive methods.
It’s a devastating development in the journey. Partners feel lied to and betrayed by their partners as well as rejected in the bedroom. Trust needs to be re-built and intimacy restored.
I’m sad but I’m hopeful. For the first time, he says he wants this addictive behavior to stop and he’s willing to do anything to make that happen….for him and for us.
Some days I really hate this disease.
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Laying in Bed
I never take naps. I hate wasting time in bed. There’s so much to do, so much to see. Unless you’re in a bipolar depression that is. Bed is their sanctuary. My son can sleep for 24 hours when stressed and depressed. They hide from family, friends, work, school and life in general in that bed. The comforter becomes a wall to keep everyone at bay. So how do you get them out of the bed? That’s the million dollar question.
You can ask, you can beg, you can threaten doctors and hospitals, you can offer food–nothing will work to a great degree unless they want to and are ready to join the world again.
Seeing the pain in your eyes, will only move them so far. The pain in their souls is way more powerful.
Perhaps laying in bed with your partner makes them feel more connected, less isolated. It’s hard to say from a bystander’s viewpoint.
In my opinion, the bed should be for sleeping and you know what only. They make the bed into a sanctuary or as I think about it…. maybe it’s more of an emotional prison. They are safe there but there’s not much to do and nobody really wants to visit or stay with them there.
So, is staying in bed really helping restore them or is it just making matters even worse for our loved ones? It’s hard to say if they don’t even have the energy to lift their head off the pillow. I’ve gotten my loved ones out of the bed in that state. How? By offering up the things that THEY love to do. My significant other likes playing poker. If I ask if he wants to go play poker, even if he’s in that “place”, he’ll stir to get up and go.
As a joke, I’ve threatened to lock the bedroom door from the outside and only I have the key. He laughs but in a way I’m partially serious. The bed makes him feel safe but the world isn’t safe for anyone and we all have to face our demons. Maybe his demon is….why can’t I get out of bed this week? Well, what do we do then? Call the psychiatrist? Go play poker? You need a PLAN. A rescue plan. And that requires owning your depression, trusting your loved ones and contacting your treatment providers.
I want my loved ones in the world with me but we have to plan together to get them there.
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Pressured Hearing
There is a symptom with bipolar that is called Pressured Speech. It happens when a person has an extreme need to share their thoughts, comments, and opinions, often loudly and with peculiar sugues. It usually happens during BP1 mania or hypomania.
The worst part about pressured speech is having to listen to it! The ideas and visions run the gamut from, that would be an interesting thing to pursue to there is no way in this universe that you could pull that off. The many phone calls made are usually loud (unless there is a shame or sneakiness factor involved in which case they are noticeably lower) and to promote an agenda.
Now don’t get me wrong, I fell in love with my man’s ideas and visions. He shares a lot of my eccentric, cockamamie ideas. It’s when the plans are unrealistic or disjointed that I begin to worry about him.
There’s enthusiasm for an idea and then there’s the all the systems go, talk to everyone in your contacts (even past enemies) to run your ideas passed them. That’s when I’m a supporter of curbing the enthusiasm.
Luckily, he has begun to run ideas passed me to see if they pass the smell test. Ultimately, he knows what’s a good idea and what’s not but I feel he is testing himself now. Lots of past years of unmedicated mania would leave anyone questioning their own judgement.
I can’t imagine what it must feel like not being able to control your mind and trust your own ideas.
Boy, do I wish there was a cure.